Spiritual Canvas

There is only so much I can do for a broken heart, before the next option I have is to let it be broken. You can't fix what wills to continue broken. an unrepented mind will forever choose its own way, broken heart with fixation of grief let alone its hearts beat, to sound like a clock, ticking away, thudding in the empy hollows of the empty chest where once life could flow unimpeded stem the flow now again, timing isn't right, shallow as it is, i'll let the dull sullen ache resume its methodical bouncing tune empty thumping of the broken clock the clock inside my chest broken like your heart you can't fix what isnt yours you can't fix what doesnt know its broken you can't fix me, says all of who I am. no words are needed to let me know that its easier to live everything out, then to face the one thing i never want to see again my reflection in someones face the face of the one, the one through whom all i have ever known, was, the rew...

A lot of times the simple magical things of the Christian story get expedited so they can be used for a certain purpose. The magical perplexing nature of the person that has been promised since the dawn of time, the thought that the act of betrayal for that long awaited drum roll of humanity, would be done with a kiss.... How can that be a punctuated sentence on the way to explaining “the gospel.” No need to stop here kids. Just keep 'em  moving along like cattle so they can get to the part where they are saved by hearing about Jesus. I guess we don't mind losing the value of life, in the service of our blind unrelenting perspective. I think when my sunday school teacher taught me about Old Testament Saul there was laced in the telling a measure of resentment for the character of Saul. Maybe she saw his pride and arrogance, and maybe it reminded her at some level of her blindness she had to her own pride. Match that with the fragrant beautiful mystifying David...

Maybe a lie is incomplete in its offering  Even if it’s a thin packaging to wake someone up to the truth inside of it. We lie to ourselves all day long, Tricking ourselves Manipulating our own minds and emotions To keep up the walls that remind us we are safe Our safest walls are indeed our deepest prisons. We will regret the wall we put up that stops us from living life as free as we hope to. We believe we are free and threaten those who get close to revealing its not true. Knots tied all over Restricting our minds  Until the muscles we once could use Have now atrophied, And in their weakened state we smile believing we have a higher degree of confidence in life Confidence is a breath away from our eyes opening to the outside world which we choose to ignore. Ignorance is bliss. Confidence is at times a hope misplaced. We think our shell we have created Will sustain us forever If you grow too much within that shell You will soon find y...

Could there be value in resentment? Does there need to be a relization of pain and anguish to be able to contrast the need for love? Love absent lack seems muted and taken for granted. How can someone know they need something before they have any ground to understand that they are missing it, isn't that the concept on which the idea of "need" is planted in? Our lives in a glass dome of individuality, we create our own ideas of need and how we need to fulfill them. Our struggle is based in our own perception of our given lack of freedoms and the ways in which we can squirm and wiggle into our own level of freedom. Then people stand outside of the glass of our incubating selfish greenhouse and tell us their judgements on our struggles and goals. Ignoring that their own selfish lair in which they grew out of was an experience that made them who they are. It's easy to point out someones experience as trivial and uneccesary when it isn't yours. resentment at wh...

Editted and expanded: 12/11/2017 Going to church and feeling disconnected is not what I want to feel. I want to feel like all of me is expected to be present and accepted. When the climate of the social structure asks for less than what I feel I am, it leaves me feeling disconnected. I have done very hard emotional, mental, and spiritual work when it comes to my true self. I realized when I was around 23 years old that what I found gross about being a Christian was the duality of how a person, myself included, would act in different situations. So I came up with this theory: “I should be me all the time.” Which means if Daniel doesn’t want to do something one moment, and the next moment I am compelled to do something, it’s good to examine my motivation as to why I am now feeling compelled to do or say something. Because if an external source is my motivating factor then my actions are based on something outside of me. So I came up with an idea at 23, “I don’t want to be a lightswitc...