Spiritual Canvas

Glassless eyes flutter Shimmer depths draping drowning screams Ragged underwhelming Snuffed out presence Dimming as the flows call deeper to plunge As the light above parts further into the everlasting A reaching hand betrays the too late sinking surface away from you. Watch your world plunging into darkness as the load you claimed to be able to endure Drowns you deeper and deeper beneath the fractured surface My allowance is a pittance of suffering. I’ll spend it eagerly and hungrily to satisfy my endless swallowing emptiness Deepening and widening the empty pit. I resent everyone for not helping me when I refused to ask them for help. I hate them for not reading my mind when I lied and said I was fine. This is what your bitterness towards my innocence wanted. You wanted me to end up an undying angel of hope. Hardly you realized, the cost for the eternal. Now I drift not dying in the bottom of an endless scream of drowning existence. Thanks again ...

Editted and expanded: 12/11/2017 Going to church and feeling disconnected is not what I want to feel. I want to feel like all of me is expected to be present and accepted. When the climate of the social structure asks for less than what I feel I am, it leaves me feeling disconnected. I have done very hard emotional, mental, and spiritual work when it comes to my true self. I realized when I was around 23 years old that what I found gross about being a Christian was the duality of how a person, myself included, would act in different situations. So I came up with this theory: “I should be me all the time.” Which means if Daniel doesn’t want to do something one moment, and the next moment I am compelled to do something, it’s good to examine my motivation as to why I am now feeling compelled to do or say something. Because if an external source is my motivating factor then my actions are based on something outside of me. So I came up with an idea at 23, “I don’t want to be a lightswitc...