The pretense before I can love again

Could there be value in resentment?
Does there need to be a relization of pain and anguish to be able to contrast the need for love?
Love absent lack seems muted and taken for granted.
How can someone know they need something before they have any ground to understand that they are missing it, isn't that the concept on which the idea of "need" is planted in?
Our lives in a glass dome of individuality, we create our own ideas of need and how we need to fulfill them. Our struggle is based in our own perception of our given lack of freedoms and the ways in which we can squirm and wiggle into our own level of freedom.
Then people stand outside of the glass of our incubating selfish greenhouse and tell us their judgements on our struggles and goals. Ignoring that their own selfish lair in which they grew out of was an experience that made them who they are. It's easy to point out someones experience as trivial and uneccesary when it isn't yours.
resentment
at what point will it seem acceptable to define the resentment underlying some of our drives? If we are waiting until the opportune moment of minimal pain and opportune freedom to exhume our pain laiden drives then we will never coalesce into a whole person.
The fractured person is left undone by the pain that is a fuel source for some of the basis of personal existance.
Bravery meets resentment for the purpose of living closer to a whole self.
Resentment isn't without purpose. It is a mechanism for which we defend most vigorously our most defensless and vulnerable self, an action that has merit on its on. Resentment is the emergency sail we need in waters so tomultuous that without it we would be undone and dismayed to the point of near self extinction.
Resentment isn't an evil thing. It really isn't. It sounds like a bad thing, but I think that the word can be replaced with "a blurry perspective based on self-preservation."
I need to be aware of my blurry perspective based on self-preservation to be able to understand how I can need and love again.
What is worth fighting with? I think challenging my views that are distorted by pain, trauma, anguish is the thing worth engaging with. I don't want to fortify the fortress of my ideas and perspectives, because to do so is to validate my clouded notions with self-guided notions. Thankfully, I am aware of myself enough to realize that the endgame of me having the way I want with my thoughts will end up tilting towards failure and dismay.
It tends towards duality of goal and character many times our desires. A poison to our goals happens often within the realms inwhich our resentment seems to dwell. Intention for wholeness of pursuit seems at times to be laid low by some hidden resentment ridden code that lives within us. The result of the lurking resentment seems to betray our intentions and goals.

Our resentment is part of the sail that steers our vessel. In helping to guide us we find ourselves at times in a place that is contrary to our higher minded selfs' hopes and desires. It is in the balance of our hope, desire, and resentment that we begin to establish a true course and direction for our lives. Ignoring the realization of resentment being part of our drive, begs our pride to assert dominance. There is a comfort of our sweet pride whispering sofly that there is nothing wrong with our current course and direction. We only find issue when we open our eyes and realize that we are no where near where we once beleived we were going.

Pride is the sinking ship that believes the issues leading to our downfall are ignorable and a fault lying not on our own.
Pride whispers softly an acceptance of a broken miserable existance.
Courage meets our vessels, like the wind catching our sails. A determination of accepting failure and acknowledgement of unavoidable pain brings value to a life of unavoidable resentment, failure, and pain.
Hope springs to life a new begining that is laid awake by the begining of our broken self reuniting with existant reality.



again
resentment
has spared us
from a fate far worse
for that we are greatfull
thank you for preserving us
you did for us a great service
with respect we will lay you to rest
our life was better for you rescuing us
friend

There is no shame in who we were

and none in who we are

sleep resentment,
my old friend,
this new journy I walk alone,
sure i will see you from time to time,
and you will help me again,
and for that thank you,
old lovers is a better place for you and me,
old friends,
old friends with a nod and wink to a time past of teamwork and struggle together
sleep resentment,
I will walk,
I will fail,
without you,
and with you,
my friend.
sleep
for now